Saturday, October 18, 2008

To Snoop or Not to Snoop/SNAGS

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Well, of course, "ghouls" love to have fun which reminded me of the photoslide I did on Labor Day when the girls and I went to Presque Isle which leads me to my title. Looking back at that video, it's sort of painful to see Becky smiling and having fun. Little did I know that even on that day, she was sliding into a dark hole. At that point in time, there was some laughter still in her soul. I'll link it in case you never saw it and want to take a peak. Becky is the pasty colored one.

The Original Cab's Creations from AOL: We Just Want to Have a Good Time & We D

I have had a blogspot account for over a year. Why? My daughter, Becky, had a private blog here that she gave me access to read, which I did, at least at first. It was a way to crawl into her brain for a while and know what was happening. It also was one of the many reasons I wasn't thrilled with the now ex BF, "M."

I just happened to be flowing through my very numerous favorite links and saw the blog. I opened it this morning. She stopped blogging August 30th for personal reasons. Wow, that was a few days before we went to Erie. I almost cried again.

She still keeps a Twitter, which is sort of a daily update, one line thingie, which shows just how unhappy and lost she is at times. I know one day things will be better. Or should I say I pray that one day things will be better. It's very difficult to actually witness the words, especially since the panic, etc. started long before August. Would I have recognized it had I kept up with her blog? In hindsight, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Hindsight is like that. I'm thinking I probably would have fluffed over the words at the time. Becky has always been a very intense, serious person.

My BF has some type of flu type bug. He went for his six week check up on Tues and is or was doing very well but his dr. didn't think he should get a flu shot just yet. My son is at a wedding. I'm not doing much of anything besides playing in PSP so I may add another entry.

It is very cold today, only in the 40's but sunny. I feel the lazy bug biting me because I hate cold weather. I definitely need to take my old boy for a walk tonight (lol..Grizzly.)

Oh, by the way, you can get comment alerts. LOL...Jeannette, who just got back from Madagascar, told me how. Now, let's see if I remember. You go to customize, then click settings. Look at the top and click comments. There is a space for you to add your e-mail address at the very bottom. I think it says e-mail notification or something like that. Click save and voila. Now, how about that, and Jeannette is a real newbie to Blogger.

Have a great weekend...HUGS Chris




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25 comments:

Adirondackcountrygal said...

I'm really sorry that Becky is having a hard time.. I loved the snags, thanks!

a corgi said...

you can't second guess yourself Chris on whether or not you would have seen what was coming on with Becky or not; the day my daughter took an overdose of pills (she was okay afterwards) was a perfectly good day; I wouldn't have suspected anything; its a fine line we moms walk; do we read or not read their diaries, how involved do we get as they get to be adults, etc. we'll keep praying for her

sorry your BF is under the weather; but glad he at least saw the doctor for a checkup

((((Chris))

betty

Sugar said...

like the commentor above, the day my son comitted suicide, i had talked with him a couple hrs earlier, had no ideal anything unusual was wrong.
so, don't beat yourself up. just know you're a good mom, & do what you can. {{}}
sorry to hear bf is not well, saying a prayer for him.
cold here too. brrr
i love the taggies, so cute. :)
hugs...

Debbie said...

Darn Chris if I had known you didn't know how to get comment alerts I would have emailed you. I learned that pretty quick and that's unusual for my hard head, lol. Now I need to figure out how to pull a lost entry out of draft so I can add more to it. My entry I lost last night I only had 2 more words to type, I hit the wrong key and poof it was gone into draft and I was too dumb to figure out how to get it back out. Another thing about the comment alerts is that folks need to add their email address to their profile on their blogs so if we want to respond to the comment we don't have to try to figure out their email addy, when you click on reply the addy is already there. I had to laugh because an entry from you showed up on my dashboard more than 2 hours ago but when I came over there was no new entries. Bet you have the start of an entry in draft, lol.
Chris you can't worry yourself over whether you should have seen Becky's depression coming or not. I think we as parents are unintentionally blind because our kids keep their thoughts hidden from us. I know when dealing with depression myself, when I'm at my lowest I want to keep to myself and not talk to anyone. I eventually pull myself out of it and hopefully Becky will too. I hope your boyfriend gets over the flu soon. Dang when it rains it pours doesn't it. Will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
Debbie

Hollie said...

You can't worry about the past & what could have or should have happened. It's something that can happen to any of us.... We've just got to love them & be there the best way that we know how! I hope your BF gets better soon. I love the tags....

Brittany said...

Is Twitter similar to Facebook and MySpace? I think i've heard of it...it sounds similar with the mood and status update feature.

I tried facebook for awhile and couldn't get into it. I have a MySpace but i'm not as addicted as some.

Cassandra (Cassie) said...

Depression is a terrible illness.
I so wish that there was more they could do to help those of us who suffer from it.
I hope your daughter gets better.

Emmi said...

You can't live in the past although sometimes it's hard to forget. =}

Chrissie said...

Awww...Chris don't worry about the old stuff. There is nothing that could be changed now. Just focus on the future. I LOVE that tag. Just precious. Glad you're enjoying your time with PSP fun. Have a great weekend.
Hugs, Chrissie

ADM DESIGN'S said...

Very nice snags. I can't live the past, Sorry she is having a bad time.

D said...

hope Becky gets to feeling better soon. Sorry you didn't know about comment alerts... I did an entry with it and tried to let others know.

Missie said...

I'm hoping Becky sees happier times soon. I did't know you didn't know how to comment alerts. I would have told you weeks ago how to do that. Enjoy your weekend, and I love your tags.

Janie said...

All of your tags are so cute Chris. Sorry I have been running behind... half well. lol Will have to come back and comment some more later. Will keep your daughter in my prayers. Hugs, Janie

lisa jo said...

i have been getting comment alerts for weeks..lol. Now, getting alerts from a private blog are another story!!
Do not beat yourself up, Chris. YOU are a wonderful mother and what Becky is going thru is not your fault and you have had a very FULL plate this year....so much going on and just the fact you will drop what you are doing and help and show your love and support to her is all that matters! I am glad you had a ME day yesterday. I hope BF gets over his cold and you do not get it either. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Joan said...

Sorry you daughter is sad just now hope it all clears soo. Until I started blogging I did not know just how many people suffer from depression. Love Joan.

Joyce said...

I love the tags. I'm sorry about Becky. I know it hurts your soul. Enjoy your Sunday.
Hugs, Joyce

moshell's lilbit of space said...

Hugs Chris.....my prayers are with you and your daughter.

Pamela said...

Hi Chris, I'm so sorry about Becky. I know it breaks your heart. I wish I had some good words of wisdom, but I don't. I don't even know what's up with my own son most of the time.
Hope your BF feels better soon. I guess it's the flu season, huh?
Take care and have a relaxing day today.
Love ya, Pam

Dawn said...

Sending prayers and hugs for Becky... life and love can be hard. I hope she finds a sunbeam to latch onto.

be well...

It's Just Me ~ Katie! said...

I am hoping with prayers going up that comfort and relief come to you and yours soon. Take care of you,
Katie

Joyce said...

Always keeping Becky in prayer...what a beautiful young lady she is...saw the video photos again...loved it. Hope your boyfriend feels better...I have an Aunt who was due to get her flu shot and can't due to the same thing. Hope your Sunday will be a good one...many hugs and love...thanks for the comment info!!!
Love,

Joyce

ADB said...

My old granny used to say: nobody gets a menu for the dinner of life. Hope your BF gets better soon.

Guido

Terri said...

Chris..you are a great mother you have to believe that! I have been through depression myself, was on anti-depressants for a year...it was pure hell and I never want to feel like that again... I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, didn't want to go to social events....didnt even want to be around family...I love my family dearly and that was sooo not like me... Even though Becky kept a blog and allowed you to read...she may not have opened up completely...to where you would have known right off... In reading moms comment...she is right..when she said "I think we as parents are unintentionally blind because our kids keep their thoughts hidden from us"...I have always kept things to myself...my family didn't have a clue that I was depressed...hell I didn't even know i was depressed...I just knew that the way I was feeling was something I had never known before..it was taking a toll on me at work and everything...seeking help from a Dr. was the best thing that happend to me..it put me back on the right track...and I haven't had any problems since...

Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers...

Hugs
Terri

Indigo said...

When my daughter was living with me, I saved her MySpace page in my favorites, when she took a break to go to the bathroom. At the time we weren't speakin and I was desperate to know what was going on with her. Two years later, I found a picture on there someone had sent of Skye half in and out of a car, the door was open passed out drunk.

It was the hardest thing for me to see, the guy was laughing about it and sent it to her as a Birthday Greeting. I think for awhile there I was so scared she was playing with fire and I couldn't reach her.
I've since learned she had to go down that road to make her own mistakes, heartbreak and everything else in order to finally become the adult she is.

I think as parents, our adult children make us worry far more because we have to watch them fall once in awhile. All you can do hon, is be there to pick her up when she needs you. We can't read their minds, nor can we make their decisions any longer. Doesn't mean we stop loving them though does it? I think the fact we do makes it hurt us, just as much as they're hurting. Your in my thoughts dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

Winivere said...

Prayers going up, GF. Love the Ghouls tag. Plz tag for moi? I love ya, Chris!!!
XX